The South Florida Code

THE SOUTH FLORIDA CODE

When giving directions in South Florida , you should always start with the
words, Take I-95 to. . .
If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive
between the hours of 6am and 10am and 4pm and 7pm. This is considered to be
rush hour and you're not in any rush. No exceptions
Some roads just stop for no reason and then start again: Congress Avenue ,
Lyons Road, Jog Road . Freeways can only go north and south. Not east and
west.
A1A and ALT A1A are the same streets.
Traffic Lights aren't timed and never will be.
We measure the distance you travel in time not miles.
If you travel more than 15-20 miles on any road in South Florida without
seeing an orange Bob's Barricade. You're lost!
I-95 is a parking lot not a freeway.
If you miss your exit on I-95, its perfectly acceptable to back up.
Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection.
Know the difference between Sun Pass , Sun Fest, Sun- Sentinel, and Sun
Trust.
Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual.
Your blinker means nothing.
English is our second language.
It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator.
It is totally acceptable to be living in South Florida but not root for The
Dolphins, The Marlins, The Heat or The Panthers.
We have alligators here in South Florida and they WILL bite you. Don't be
stupid and try to feed or pet one
Clematis is a street not a disease.
When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advanced warning
and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait
until the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to
Publix to stock up water, ice, beer, and potato chips.
You know how to spell Okeechobee.
Do NOT buy a boat. Make friends with someone who already owns a boat That
way you don't have to deal with the headaches.
There is an Okeechobee Blvd , Street, Avenue, a town, a lake and a county.
You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that everyone else moved
here.
There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost every
corner - with more being built every day.
When picking up a woman on South Beach , look for Adams apple.
It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.
Jupiter is a city not a planet.
Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays. Not weeknights or
weekends - that's for the working folks.
There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, flipper, and also one called a
football team.
You can't say; "this is how we did it up north", if you think that way, then
go back.
No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never be able to figure
out your property taxes.
Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside but inside any
restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.
There are three things you will need to survive a south Florida winter: A
long sleeved T-shirt, sunscreen and restaurant reservations that you make at
least three weeks in advance.
The same neighbor who smiles at you every day will be the first one to rat
you out if you are violating water restrictions.

Thanks to Dr. Dan.