Monday, March 24, 2008

The South Florida Code


When giving directions in South Florida , you should always start with the
words, Take I-95 to. . .
If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive
between the hours of 6am and 10am and 4pm and 7pm. This is considered to be
rush hour and you're not in any rush. No exceptions
Some roads just stop for no reason and then start again: Congress Avenue ,
Lyons Road, Jog Road . Freeways can only go north and south. Not east and
A1A and ALT A1A are the same streets.
Traffic Lights aren't timed and never will be.
We measure the distance you travel in time not miles.
If you travel more than 15-20 miles on any road in South Florida without
seeing an orange Bob's Barricade. You're lost!
I-95 is a parking lot not a freeway.
If you miss your exit on I-95, its perfectly acceptable to back up.
Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection.
Know the difference between Sun Pass , Sun Fest, Sun- Sentinel, and Sun
Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual.
Your blinker means nothing.
English is our second language.
It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator.
It is totally acceptable to be living in South Florida but not root for The
Dolphins, The Marlins, The Heat or The Panthers.
We have alligators here in South Florida and they WILL bite you. Don't be
stupid and try to feed or pet one
Clematis is a street not a disease.
When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advanced warning
and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait
until the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to
Publix to stock up water, ice, beer, and potato chips.
You know how to spell Okeechobee.
Do NOT buy a boat. Make friends with someone who already owns a boat That
way you don't have to deal with the headaches.
There is an Okeechobee Blvd , Street, Avenue, a town, a lake and a county.
You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that everyone else moved
There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost every
corner - with more being built every day.
When picking up a woman on South Beach , look for Adams apple.
It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.
Jupiter is a city not a planet.
Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays. Not weeknights or
weekends - that's for the working folks.
There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, flipper, and also one called a
football team.
You can't say; "this is how we did it up north", if you think that way, then
go back.
No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never be able to figure
out your property taxes.
Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside but inside any
restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.
There are three things you will need to survive a south Florida winter: A
long sleeved T-shirt, sunscreen and restaurant reservations that you make at
least three weeks in advance.
The same neighbor who smiles at you every day will be the first one to rat
you out if you are violating water restrictions.

Thanks to Dr. Dan.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Driving in Florida

Some tips for driving in Florida:
- People really follow the rules... the only problem is each one is following rules from their own country sometimes and other times from someone else's country.
- People will pass you on either side, not just the left. Conversely, people will stay on the effing left even if going slow.
- You can turn right on any street without waiting for the light to go green, unless there's a sign telling you not to.
- Stop means stop. If you see a stop sign come to a full stop.
- The HOV lane can save you a lot of time. During rush hours the HOV (High Occupancy Vehicle) lane can only be used by cars with 2 or more people in them. Outside of rush hours, anyone can use the lane.
- Cops don't chase motorcycles.
- You're allowed to ride a motorcyle with no helmet, if you wear eye protection, are over 21 and don't value your life too much.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Sun Pass
You don't pay state tax in Florida, but you get to pay a lot of tolls... might as well get one of those, for about $25.
Prepay or auto-replenish, you'll save about 25% on toll fees and a whole lot of time and cursing. Probably shaves off about 30 minutes between Miami and Orlando.
In Orlando, they already have some parts where you don't even have to slow down. You either go off to the side to pay or stay in the expressway and the thing just beeps happily. Nice!

Traffic Tickets

I got a speeding ticket this last weekend. :-(

Some people don't know, but there are three ways to handle this in Florida:

- Just pay it: You get points on your license, generally not a great idea.

- Traffic schools: For about $40 and a couple of hours, you take a test and get no points, but still have to pay the ticket.

- Attorneys: Hire one to go to court for you and fight the ticket. Not quite sure, but most guarantee the results or you don't pay. I think they only guarantee you not getting points, but sometimes they may get the ticket dismissed too. Costs about $80 I think. For example these guys.